By: Robin Fiore
Purpose(why?):
In Luterman and Ross's book
When
Your Child is Deaf, A Guide for Parents, he included a story written
by Emily Perle Kingsley. I agree with him that this is a story that
"parents may find very useful" (Luterman & Ross, 1991, 78-79).
The emotions that one may experience while reading this story, are the
reasons for this portfolio.
"When you
are going to have a baby, it is like planning a wonderful
vacation to Italy. You get
a bunch of guidebooks and make all of your plans. The Coliseum...the
Michelangelo David...the gondolas in Venice. You get a book of handy phrases
and learn how to say a few words in Italian. It's all very exciting.
Finally, the time comes for your trip. You pack your bags and off
you go.
Several
hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says: "Welcome
to Holland."
"Holland!?"
you say, "Holland? I signed up for Italy! All of my life I've dreamed of
going to Italy!"
"I'm sorry,"
she says. "There's been a change and we've landed in Holland."
"But I
don't know annything about Holland. I have never thought of going
to Holland. I have no idea what you do in Holland!"
What's
important is that they haven't taken you to a terrible ugly place, full
of famine, pestilence and disease. It's just ---a different place.
So you have to go out and buy a whole new set of guide books
...you have to learn a whole new
language...and you'll meet a whole new bunch of people you would have never
met otherwise.
Holland. It's slower paced
than Italy, less flashy than Italy...
but after you have been there a
while, and you've had a chance to catch
your breath, you look around and
begin to discover that Holland has windmills...and Holland has tulips...Holland
even has Rembrandts.
But everyone
that you know is busy coming and going from Italy
...and they're all braging
about the great time that they had there . And for the rest of your
life you will say, "Yes that's where I was supposed to go. That's
what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever,
ever, go away. And you must accept that pain---because the loss of
that dreamis a very very significant loss.
But...
if you spend your time mourning the fact that you never got to go to Italy,
you may never be able to enjoy the very lovely, very special things about
Holland." (Luterman & Ross, 1991, 78-79).
This portfolio is designed to inform teachers and parents about the grieving/acceptance process. Some families experience parts of this process when their child is newly diagnosed with a hearing loss. It is typical that this process occurs naturally and often without our awareness. It is the author’s hope that awareness of the grieving process will support parents through challenging times. It is also the intent of this project to inform teachers, so that they may enable families.
As to not offend anyone,
the author considers it necessary to acknowledge that there are people
who never experience any part of the grieving process. This may include
some members of the Deaf Culture who do not view hearing loss as a loss,
but rather a part of their culture. Researchers have found that,
"deaf parents of deaf children are effective interventionists for their
children," (Carney and Moeller, 1998, S68). This is due to their
knowledge of
sign language, (used consistently);
their acceptance of deafness and its effects on children's lives (Carney
& Moeller, 1998).
Format(how?):
This portfolio is organized in a question and answer format. The topic was established and questions were formed. These questions were based on answers that parents and professionals may be seeking. Therefore, the answers to these questions, with the author's insights, are provided on the following pages. On these pages you will also find a list of the best resources that, were used in answering the questions. A bibliography of other known sources may also be found.
Questions (what?):
~3~ How does the grieving/acceptance process typically effect family relations?
Available at (where?):
Robin Fiore
McAllen ISD-Regional School
for the Deaf
Escandon Elementary
2901 Colbath Avenue
McAllen, Texas 78503
Also
Included:
* Various
materials that the author has found useful in educating families.